Thanks for reading this page. Here’s a little info about myself:

I was born in Los Angeles the day I was born. I moved a few miles East when I was young and spent my developmental years in a S.L.U.M. (Safe Latino Urban Middle-Class) neighborhood. My comedy is mostly derived from watching my parent’s relationship deteriorate and raise kids at the same time…the definition of ‘Mutually Exclusive’. I have a daughter now and I make jokes about her in my comedy because she’ll eventually hate me anyway, so why not?

LIKES: I like to travel (I’m bad at basketball). I like to take walks on the beach (because running on sand is hard) and I like to go camping (because we should all prepare for homelessness, just in case). I like to donate non-disposable income via poker to my friends.
ALLERGIES: Cats and Tigers (I assume Tigers because they’re bigger cats).
LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English, Spanish, & Pig Latin
TYPING SPEED: 15 wpm

Am I hired?